Mondays off
My juniors noticed how they had nearly every Monday in February off. What? I hadn’t taken Monday off…to which they reminded me that THEY had taken the day off. Oh yeah…pupil free day. But having a day off each week has been very nice. Having the time to rest, recover, and spend away from work has been good, useful. It allows me a glimpse of the sun, since I arrive at around sunrise and I leave long after sunset. The view from my room, though, is not a bad one to walk up to each day.
I used to be able to see Mt. Baldy…oh well.
le steamer
Purchased two Saturdays ago, and on sale too! The lady at the register smiled at my purchases…two potatoes, a bag of gai-lan, and a massive steamer.
choice
Some things don’t change.
There was a poignant statement made in a documentary, by a woman who lived in the projects, in Detroit. As much as it pained her, in order to survive and provide for the livelihood of her family as a whole, she had to let certain members of her family “go.” She could not let their self-destructive behavior drag her down. She had to let them destroy themselves.
This is the philosophy that we, as civil servants, rebel against but must eventually accept. As much as we extend them, our good intentions are pushed away, or worse, manipulated by those who have power…or ones who want to feign possession of it. We help those who can and will receive our help; those who come ready to learn will learn, whereas those who could care less, in turn, receive considerably less.
The irony in this is, of course, that we are often blamed for lack of involvement. The phrase, “if you only noticed…” which, in itself, is faulty. It is an expression of regret, anger, grief, frustration, with an overtone of blame and an undertone of wrath. “Why didn’t you”…step aside and make a difference? And, in this almost cyclical irony, I wonder if those who did the blaming bothered to “notice” the dozens of steps taken each day, hundreds each month, thousands each year?
And then I’m reminded that 90%+ of those steps aside are completely confidential.
Our occupation being “overworked and under-appreciated” is easy to say on a Friday night, over drinks. But as teachers go, probably what we really need is what we don’t get, which are a break…from work and caring…and respect, appreciation, and love. Marathon runners need a big plate of spaghetti before a big race; we need love and care before we can divvy and disperse it to the next generation. The blame and guilt and hours of solitude spent grading, however…
The weekend before last, I decided that I was tired of feeling terrible. I called/chatted with some of my friends. I spent 30 hours sleeping and recovering from a series of 4-hour nights. I did little things that made me happy, like buying interesting-looking food:
…it actually tastes better with the leaf… And from here, there was a swift kick-in-the-rear of what things have been left undone.
just an fyi
I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.
I just had a very tough week this last week.
Last weekend was spent in recovery…I think I spent about 30 hours of it sleeping. This week has been one of work, work, and work…towards semester grades, towards other work deadlines, towards completion. So I haven’t gathered enough will power and mental capacity to write coherently. That’s something I’ll work on this weekend, after grades are due.
finding a resolution
…even when there is none to be found.
Did some research about “bottling” up things. This list of why people do let matters bottle up is interesting:
- They are unable to fight back in an argument situation (eg the “opponent” is more dominant or it is someone of authority that it may impact their employment).
- They think that if they show their emotions it is a sign of weakness.
- They believe it is not normal to be feeling a certain way, so try to conceal their emotions from others.
- They are afraid of what other people might think.
- They feel that they have to deal with their emotions or problems on their own because “no one else will understand”.
- A situation may have occurred that has placed someone in shock and they just don’t know how to deal with it or they just block it out because don’t fully understand it makes them feel (or don’t feel) a certain way.
- They feel they have to be “the rock” for others.
- They don’t want to be hurt so they swallow their emotions back down.
As for the resolutions…I’d look for more. The current ones help, to a degree.