Tonight, as I drove home from work, the streets were quiet. It was actually nice driving back, without the traffic. I haven't really had the time or the patience to notice the Christmas lights or decorations out.
But still, coming home at 10 pm makes me wonder, about my work and about my life. I spend so much of it at school. Today was a 14 hour day. How much more can I handle? And, perhaps more importantly, how much more should I handle? There will always be students who blame teachers for the miseducation, their traumatic moments and personal tragedies. I know my occupation makes me an easy scapegoat. And I know that I am doing my job again; I measure it by the "ooooh, that's right!" and the "what? Class is over already?"-s spoken to themselves as I walk around the room. But it still doesn't silence the fact that I should be doing better and that I should be on top of things and I should be up to par. I should.
My BTSA advisor/mentor reminded me that, despite all the things that are going wrong, I am much calmer and more collected than I was last year. That's true. I worked in a blind fury last year, moving in directions I probably could never replicate. Or ever want to repeat.
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