For a time, this website had been somewhat on course.

And then my grandmother passed. And things fell apart. It has taken time and motivation to pick up and return to work, society, endeavors…

That part of existence – time – which has helped in the healing process is also unforgiving. Opportunities passed have been lost, deadlines continue to approach. And so I come to the juncture again, when matters, like this website, need to be reviewed, reconsidered, revised.

Perhaps I am stubborn in wanting to pick up and continue this project, to its completion and perhaps beyond. But it’s probably better that I do, to finish something and have that small sense of accomplishment when, like all of those who are civil servants, there are so many individuals who tug and yank and yell at us to do more, more, more with less, if not out of seemingly absolutely nothing. Because it does not come from nothing. It comes from us, and when we have scooped out enough of our hearts to compensate for what the world has taken from the needy, it leaves us hollow and empty.

For the fortunate, the lucky, the blessed, that void is filled through the people around them, from being loved, from an unconditional Provider. Because I lack these (and that being no other person’s fault but my own), I need to create a substitute. Here, I can speak to the page, record all that I would have forgotten due to stress and anxiety, and perhaps find some direction in my life.

I know that I will continue to fail at the things I had previously been able to finish. I will be late and have battles with my own mind, against my well being. I will be repetitive and say what I do not intend to, be distant while wanting to be included. I will be a contradiction.

Life, however, is a contradiction.

………….or rather, it is grey, instead of the preferable black and white. Clear-cut answers are easier to deal with and people like ease. The idea goes both ways though, from an individual’s perspective and judgment placed on the individual. Some people will see me as black, someone who has done wrong and cannot be forgiven for transgressions made. Some people will see me as white. But I am grey…striving towards a 30%? Yeah, yeah, I’m still a design geek at heart.

So I’ll continue to follow the rules established, as best I can. You are welcome to come along this journey, so long as you give more than you take.

The guidelines, as written at the beginning of the year:

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Hey thar.

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If you’ve been here before and wondered what happened, don’t worry. This is the same website, and I am the same person who has been in possession of this digital spot these last several years…well, kind of. It is difficult to say that I am the same person I was when I began this website. Change happens. And this space has thus been re-purposed to reflect the passage of time and the needs of the day. I’ve kept the same mantra – “Simplify, simplify, simplify” – but now, it has a different interpretation. I will actually be simplifying my life.

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Simply put, this website is now a collection of the resolutions and goals for the year, a tool with which I can track myself, what I’m doing, and hold myself accountable. Because this website is project and goal driven, certain personal aspects will be left purposely vague. My other, more protected blog will remain, and I’ll write there when things become too personal or depressing.

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Ground rules:

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I must post at least once per day. Anyone who has worked on blogs will know that daily posting is tough stuff. New content, being and remaining moderately interesting, creative, with a constant momentum…I’m regretting having written it already, and it’s only January 1. There’s also the idea that quality trumps quantity. I agree, but I figure this: I will focus on quantity forcing quality. This will be more about practice and habit, that 99 perspiration that builds the foundation for the 1% inspiration.

I can plan out entries days beforehand, for timed releases, but I cannot not make up for old, past-due posts.

I must provide a visual with each entry: a photo, drawing, video, animation, etc. Text is boring. It also, in some ways, forces me to draw again.

Posts that consist of a link to another website do not count towards daily posts, except if it is to advertise, support, or advocate for a charitable cause. Linking to another person’s work, I feel, is a bit of a cheat. I can easily turn to my RSS feed reader and post something ingenious that someone else came up with; there’s a lot of awesome stuff out there. But I need to focus on my goals. It is too easy to be sidetracked.

I cannot submit an angry/negative post. Setbacks, process, failures, that’s OK to write about here. It’s all a part of the work necessary in obtaining goals. But sarcasm, cynicism, frustration, bitterness, and rants, these types of posts will be written on a password-protected blog. I will, however, count these as a daily post. They are still cathartic, but more so, these posts are often long and time-consuming.