Some things don’t change.
There was a poignant statement made in a documentary, by a woman who lived in the projects, in Detroit. As much as it pained her, in order to survive and provide for the livelihood of her family as a whole, she had to let certain members of her family “go.” She could not let their self-destructive behavior drag her down. She had to let them destroy themselves.
This is the philosophy that we, as civil servants, rebel against but must eventually accept. As much as we extend them, our good intentions are pushed away, or worse, manipulated by those who have power…or ones who want to feign possession of it. We help those who can and will receive our help; those who come ready to learn will learn, whereas those who could care less, in turn, receive considerably less.
The irony in this is, of course, that we are often blamed for lack of involvement. The phrase, “if you only noticed…” which, in itself, is faulty. It is an expression of regret, anger, grief, frustration, with an overtone of blame and an undertone of wrath. “Why didn’t you”…step aside and make a difference? And, in this almost cyclical irony, I wonder if those who did the blaming bothered to “notice” the dozens of steps taken each day, hundreds each month, thousands each year?
And then I’m reminded that 90%+ of those steps aside are completely confidential.
Our occupation being “overworked and under-appreciated” is easy to say on a Friday night, over drinks. But as teachers go, probably what we really need is what we don’t get, which is a break…from work and caring…and to be given respect, appreciation, and love. Marathon runners need a big plate of spaghetti before a big race; we need love and care before we can divvy and disperse it to the next generation.
The blame and guilt and hours of solitude spent grading, however…
The weekend before last, I decided that I was tired of feeling terrible. I called/chatted with some of my friends. I spent 30 hours sleeping and recovering from a series of 4-hour nights. I did little things that made me happy, like renting movies and buying interesting-looking food:
…it actually tastes better with the leaf… And from here, there was a swift kick-in-the-rear of what things have been left undone.
